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« Those Sweet Feelings of New Love | Main | The Key to Turning a Negative Past into a Positive Future »

Jul 09, 2010

Comments

Jackie

I can relate - only in my case it is my future mother-in-law that I am caretaker for. She lives with my fiancé and me (my fiancé had a severe stroke 2 years ago and was paying her rent at a senior home but can no longer afford to since he is now on disability, and he's an only child). She is afraid to be alone which means she must come along with us wherever we go. She no longer drives and is afraid to use special transportation services that are available to her so she depends on me to take her to all of her appointments.

She has some dementia also and needs help keeping track of days and appointments. She can't cook and uses a cane to get around. Some days I feel pretty overwhelmed trying to keep up with taking care of both of them in addition to keeping up with my very demanding full-time career in IT.

She doesn't need full time care so a nursing home is not an option yet. We've checked into senior assisted living, but she doesn't know anyone in the area and thinks she will be too lonely if she moves into one.

So we take it day by day. I remind myself that this too shall pass and try to enjoy the time that we have with her. She is a very kind woman and tries her best to help out where she can. Still, I feel exhausted at times.

Thankfully my kids are grown and for the most part, on their own so I don't have teenage issues to deal with at the same time:) I just hope that my step-mom's health holds up.

Unlike you, I don't have the emotional part of it to deal with since she isn't my mom. I empathize with you. I can tell that you are very strong and I'm sure that you will come through even more so.

When my dad was dying of lung cancer, it was so hard to watch him slowly deteriorate. I remember thinking at the time, that maybe that's the way it's meant to be. It's so hard to say goodbye to your parents, but watching them suffer is so heart-wrenching that by the time they do pass on, you're ready to say goodbye and consider it a blessing.

Kimmie

Hi Jackie,

Yes, it is very tiresome to say the least. It's nice that you are so willing to help her out like you do. It's also nice that she accepts it, unlike my mom. With my mom, you can't win no matter what you try to do, you try to offer help and she pushes you away, you try and leave her alone and she gets angry and accuses you of not caring. It's not easy dealing with someone with so many emotional issues as she has. But I know that emotional problems or not it's still a big job and very draining on a person. I do not have kids so that helps with having extra time but she does live at least 1.5 hours away from me so I can't just jump in the car and go there that often.

I do not have a mother-in-law or father-in-law, both passed before my husband and I met. His mom died of alzheimers and he also had a difficult time with his mom.

Yes, you're so right, it is very hard to watch a parent with cancer slowly deteriorate. My dad had lower intestinal cancer and wasted away quick. Hardest thing I think I've ever been through yet. And yes, I was so sad when his time came but I also felt better that he was finally out of that misery.

Thanks so much for your comment! I appreciate you sharing that story here. I hope to talk to you again and stay strong!

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