Relax~Relate~Let Go

Go Ahead And Do That Which You Fear

Our fears are more numerous than our dangers, and we suffer more in our imagination than in reality.  ~Seneca

It's only natural to feel fear about the unknown.  If we can get ourselves to accept that fear is a normal part of living and expect it to pop up here and there, then we can eliminate the anxiety about it.  It's okay to feel the fear just don't allow it to run the show.  You know the old saying, "feel the fear and do it anyway?"  Repeating that when you're encountering fear face to face helps remind you to not back down from what you're afraid of.  The fear is a built-in mechanism we all have in order to protect us from real danger.  The problem is when we misconstrue imagined danger with reality.  A lot of the times, the imagined fear stems from past negative experiences.  Those experiences are locked into our subconscious mind and when faced with anything that makes us fearful, the memories of past painful events resurfaces and the same panic or physical sensations we exerpienced long ago are suddenly back again. 

It's at those times of anxiety that our minds convince us that we're in real danger.  As soon as you notice that in yourself, immediately begin repeating that the fear is only in your imagination, it's not real, and it's okay if you feel scared.  Remind yourself of the reward for doing the thing you fear despite how frightened you feel of it.  Practice getting that downright intense determination and confidence that pushes you through the fear. 

You Have the Answers

No one else can do it for you. Only you can make it happen. You're the only one that has to live your life. - Nikita Koloff

Before long, you learn to stop believing that others have all the answers, that they must know more than you do, or that because they have college degrees from top notch schools that they automatically are on a higher level than you.  You start to realize that they have problems just as you do and also share the same ultimate goal in life as you, to be happy and at peace.

Learn to listen to your inner guidance for the answers.  No one else can know what is best for you. 

Happiness the Simple Way

Reduce the complexity of life by eliminating the needless wants of life, and the labors of life reduce themselves.”
– Edwin Way Teale

Ever wonder why the simplest of activities, ones that don't require money, are the ones that make the most memorable and happy memories?  Keep things simple in life and happiness will surround you.

Your Perception

To effectively communicate, we must realize that we are all different in the way we perceive the world and use this understanding as a guide to our communication with others. - Tony Robbins

How often do you trust your perception on things, without consulting with another person?  And what makes us think that another persons perception is more correct than our own?

The Power of a Smile

Today, give a stranger one of your smiles.  It might be the only sunshine he sees all day.  ~Quoted in P.S. I Love You, compiled by H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

How does it make you feel when someone smiles at you?  How about when someone gives you a scowl?  That's pretty easy to answer, huh?  When you make it a habit to smile at others during your day, you are creating a positive and loving atmosphere. You never know just how much you might be lifting that persons spirit. 

The times you feel stressed, fearful, worried or anxious are the perfect times to practice the smile.  Even when you don't feel like it, do it anyway, and notice how it makes you feel inside.

I've made it a daily habit to smile at everyone I encounter.  I slipped out of this habit for several years but am now back in the swing of it.  It has helped me  numerous times to snap out of a negative mood, and there might have been just as many times I've helped out the other person as well. 

 

Try Something New

 

“The person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing, is nothing, and becomes nothing. He may avoid suffering and sorrow, but he simply cannot learn and feel and change and grow and love and live.” - Leo Buscaglia

On my Life Balanced Blog, I published a post regarding stepping out of your comfort zone and taking risks.  You can read it here.  The video above is my 1st YouTube attempt.  As you will see, I have a lot of practicing to do with my speaking and video skills.  I am absolutely new to all of this.  My first video, which is not ready yet, was created in a professional studio and I feel it is a bit more polished than this one. 

Speaking in front of groups of people is not exactly my natural born talent, in fact, it's one of my weakest aspects of my personality.  The same goes for writing.  Both of them, though, provide a sense of excitement for me.  So, I have decided to let go of my deepest fears and take a risk and be open to different possibilities.  What I have learned so far in my life, is that in order to live life to the fullest you must be willing to step out in faith.  Letting go of fear free's you from the limitations you set on yourself.  I am learning to say "why not?" just like many others who have made radical changes in their lives.

Morning Attitude Check

“The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, the education, the money, than circumstances, than failure, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company... a church... a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past... we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it. And so it is with you... we are in charge of our Attitudes.” - Charles R. Swindoll

What's the first thing you do when you awake in the mornings? 

I believe it to be very beneficial to check our attitude before getting out of bed in the mornings.  If you have any negative thoughts, worries or fears you're focusing on try turning those around into a more positive direction first before you allow yourself to step out of bed.  That way, you have a much better chance of remaining calm and relaxed when you meet with stressful events of the day.  When you are calm you are able to withstand stress with a lot more ease and confidence.  It means you are taking control over your thoughts and behavior instead of allowing outside circumstances to influence  your mood. 

I have made this into a daily habit that I first began doing a couple of years ago.  I have found that it does make quite a bit of difference in how my day goes.  Truth is that it doesn't guarantee that everything will go exactly the way you want it, but it helps you to put things in proper perspective and feel more calm.  To remain calm, instead of panicked or anxious, means you have learned how to discpline your mind.

Are you mindful of the thoughts you're focused on when first awakening in the mornings?  Are they usually positive and motivating, or negative and dreadful? 

Just Relax....

Stress is nothing more than a socially acceptable form of mental illness.  ~Richard Carlson

One of my favorite phrases that I use often each time I notice obsessive worry popping up is Just Let it Go.  Anyone that has been around me for any length of time, knows that I say this often.  In fact, I have a very dear friend that surprised me one day with a t-shirt that had this saying on it.  She said when she saw it she immediately thought of me and couldn't pass it up.  I wear that t-shirt often and each time I do, it always reminds me to just let go of all the insignifant cares of the day. 

Just Relax is another favorite saying I use when I become stressed.  I repeat it on each exhale several times, and it seems to always instantly calm me down. 

I believe that everyone could benefit from having a favorite word, phrase or saying that can help them relax instantly whenever they find themselves worrying, stressing or becoming anxious. 

How about you, do you have a favorite word or saying you repeat to yourself that helps you to instantly become calm?  I'd love to hear about it! :)

Purple Moonbeam Chocolate

There’s always more than one right answer, path, possibility, nuance, or flavor – so insist upon none.  Insisting on details, always limits you. – the Universe

This was a message I received in my email box from the universe.  Yes, I know that may sound as if I’m under the influence of narcotics, but I assure you I’m not.  I was made aware of a very interesting website in which my good friend told me about, called TUT (totally unique thoughts.)  The message is all about how thoughts become things.  When you sign up, the universe, sends you frequent emails containing motivational reminders such as the one listed above, and they use your name in with the message to make it all the more personable.  There is much valuable information on the website and it gives you the chance to design your own vision board in order to make your dreams and desires into your reality.  The site is loaded with everything you need to become more motivated, inspired and excited about life.

I love exploring sites such as tut.  I think everyone can benefit from reading all the encouraging posts as possible on a regular basis.  That’s why I continue to write the posts on this blog.  Sometimes when I go back to read what I have typed out, I get a new perspective on the subject.  It also gives me added insight to the issues I write about.  Even though I may not always receive comments on my posts, I feel confident that I am helping at least a certain percentage of people reading them.  Of course, I always encourage you to leave a comment, share your own insights, voice your opinion, tell your story, but I realize that it’s not always easy opening up to others when it comes to emotional issues, and especially over the internet.  I love sharing my insights, my opinions and thoughts here on my blog and even if I am able to help just one person, I see that as a big accomplishment.

Check out tut and, if you wish, share what you think about it in my comments section.

New Blog

Visit my new blog:  Life Balanced.

Your Mentor

Do you have a mentor or role model you look up to?  If so, who is it and what valuable lessons have you learned from them?

Exciting, or a Dread?

New in Discussions Tab on Life Balanced Facebook Page:

Do you see your life as exciting, or a dread?  Either way, what makes it so?

 

Turning Frustration into Motivation

I've been getting a good lesson in redirecting my frustration into a more productive path.  I have a picture in my mind of the kind of blog I desire to create.  Seeing some other attractive blogs have inspired me to learn more about the blogging world.  So, I've tested out a couple of different programs so far and didn't feel completely satisfied with the options available.  After much frustration, I have finally found a program that allows me the exact options I was searching for. 

My frustration was starting to get the better of me.  It was really testing my patience, which I've never had much of anyway.  From this, I have been learning how to look past the temporary situation and instead focus on my desired outcome.  In the past, I usually allowed my frustration to make me give up way too soon.  I'm turning my frustration into motivation, looking at it as more of a challenge.  I also have always had the tendency to make things more complicated than they are.  Why I do that, I do not know, it's probably a learned habit from long ago.  Slow but surely, I'm changing those learned habits into ones that propel me forward.  I no longer wish to stay stuck in those unproductive ways.

New in Discussions

Click on the Discussions Tab on my Facebook Page and share your thoughts and insights to the newest Empowering Self Question:  Picture Yourself-  What does the picture of yourself look like in your mind's eye?  Would you like to change it, or are you completely satisfied?

Life Balanced Facebook Page

Final Update (seriously)

Just recently found out that by cancelling my plan with TypePad doesn't cancel out my blog entirely, only the pro plan.  The blog remains in the free basic plan.  So, in that case, I have decided to leave this one up and running as a secondary blog, and for reference.  The majority of my new postings will be on my new blog, Life Balanced.  Sorry for any confusion. 

Update on Move

Be sure to bookmark  lifebalancedblog.com to keep up with all my new posts.  This blog site is closing within the next 48 hours.  Sorry for any inconvenience this may cause.  If you have enjoyed following this blog, I'm sure you will like the new one just as well.  Hope to see you there!

 

 

MOVING

I've been making some changes since the start of the new year, including moving this blog to a new site.  The name of the new blog is Life Balanced.   I mentioned earlier this year that I had received a new Macbook Air for Christmas.  I decided that the program that comes with it, iWeb, provides more options in creating the look I want.  If you have been following my blog regularly so far, I apologize for any inconvience this may cause but also hope that you will enjoy the new blog.  Please be patient with the creation of new posts.  It will take a little time to build up to the speed of this current blog.  I encourage comments, ideas or suggestions on the new blog. 

I will be closing this blog within the next week.

Hope to see you over there!

Follow:   http://web.me.com/kimmiesm/Life_Balanced/Home/Home.html

How to get Control over your Negative Mental Chatter

  

I know I've covered this subject before in my posts but it's such a prevalent issue in almost every one of us.  I've mentioned before a mental exercise that involves recording down your thoughts throughout a 24 hour period and then reviewing them at the end of the day.  Few people carry through this exercise long enough to actually make any improvements.  They do it for one day and then quit, not another thought about it.  They buy into the false belief that there is no way to control it, so they continue in their daily mental habit of looking more at the negative side of things instead of the opposite. 

Seems as though you've done it for so long it's a natural part of who you are.  Why even bother with it?  You've gotten along just fine as it is, right?  What's the purpose of doing the exercise mentioned in the above paragraph you may ask.  Well, the purpose is to become more aware of your thoughts throughout the day.  Are they mainly negative or are they more positive?  Whichever one they are largely determines your quality of life.  Are you aware of how much percentage of time you spend criticizing yourself, or others?  How often have you argued back with someone who compliments you?  How many times have you beat yourself up for not getting something right, or something you said to someone? 

How many truly positive people do you know or come across daily?  Pay attention to it when you converse with others.  Really listen to the words they use.  Try to notice how it makes you feel when someone is talking negatively, either about themselves or life itself.  Take note of how you feel when you talk negatively about anything.   

Another exercise to try that can help you get control over your negative mental chatter is to practice replacing negative words with positive ones, example:

• I made a mistake becomes I learned a valuable lesson
• I'm such a failure becomes I'm learning new things with each adventure
• I'm so afraid of what will happen becomes I'm very curious as to what will unfold
• I have to go to that appointment becomes I get to go to that appointment 
• I hate it when someone does that becomes I prefer that someone not do that
• I just feel so overwhelmed becomes I'm really feeling a sense of challenge
• I'm feeling really sad becomes I'm just sorting my thoughts
• This is just terrible news becomes this is different
• I really feel awful about what I said becomes I'm aware of what I said
• I'm depressed becomes I'm on the path to enlightenment

How much more do you think you could accomplish in your life if you changed the negative mental chatter within into positive chatter?  Notice how you makes you feel when you replace a negative word with a positive one.  Using more positive words gives you a feeling of lightness while the negative ones feel extremely heavy. 

It's not that difficult to make this kind of change in your life.  It only requires that you desire to do so.  The next time you catch yourself using a negative word, stop and notice how you feel, then consciously change that word into a positive one, notice the difference.  It can be quite a noticeable difference if you choose to pay attention to it.  When you choose to hang onto the false belief that this is something you can not change in yourself, you set yourself up to attract even more negativity in your life.  You shut yourself off to new ideas and close the door to opportunities. 

I continue to work on this issue in my life, and to this date I have made such a huge transformation from my former negative days.  I'm including a list I made several months ago when I was practicing the exercise I talked about in the beginning.  It reads this way:

1. Your hair looks absolutely awful
2. Just look how fat you've gotten through your hips
3. Oh, that was so dumb, why did I have to say that to them
4. Everyone is looking at me and thinking I'm an idiot
5. You look terrible today
6. You're so frumpy and old looking
7. You look so unappealing
8. I feel like crap today
9. Look at you, your middle aged and haven't done much of anything with yourself
10. They're thinking something negative about me, I can tell
11. They think I'm annoying, they're just ignoring me
12. Why did they laugh when I passed by
13. Maybe these shoes look stupid with what I've got on
14. I wish I wouldn't do things like that
15. I'm so sick of this heat, I hate this kind of heat

That's a little example of the negative thinking I've been accustomed to my whole life.  Even though most of my posts are in the positive, I still struggle with the negative self talk, just as we all do.  This is something I  discipline myself to work on consistently.  It takes work, but I have decided that it's worth it.  It just feels better to work on improving myself in every area than it does to be lazy with it all.  Sure, it's a lot easier to say "who cares, do whatever is easiest," but does how does it honestly feel deep within?  To me, it feels heavy, and somewhat of a gnawing feeling.  There's always that part of you that is all knowing, knows what is in your best interest.  That's your true self, the part of you that is always connected to your higher power, which for me is God.  I daily work on becoming more in tune with that part of me, and I have to say that every day I notice myself becoming more calm, happier, content and able to accept things as they are a lot easier than before I started practicing this. 

 

Trial & Error

 

I just watched a movie last night that came out in 2001 called "I am Sam" starring Sean Penn and Michelle Pfeiffer.  This was my first time to see this movie and I wasn't quite sure whether I would like it, but decided to go ahead and give it a try based off of the positive reviews.  The reviews were spot on, very good movie, and very emotionally charged.

The message I got from this movie was that in life, nobody ever has all the answers, nobody is perfect, and it just takes trial and error learning life's lessons.  Also, that no matter who you are or where you live, your upbringing or social status, everyone encounters their own personal struggles and problems.  One persons problems may seem so trivial to some, but are still a struggle and real to that one person.  None of us are exempt from trials and tribulations.  That's where we gain more strength, experience, and wisdom. You see plenty of this exhibited in this wonderful movie.

Sometimes we make the mistake of looking at someone that we assume has it all figured out, when the truth is they really don't.  They may appear that way, but what you don't see is how they really live their life on the inside.  There are people who like to believe they have all the answers and are usually the ones who deal with some type of insecurity.  I used to make this mistake all the time, constantly feeling intimidated and inferior to others, professing that I'm not as smart or as talented.  Then came the day when a good friend brought it to my attention how I was downing myself all the time, and the fact that I had the false belief that everyone but me had it all figured out. 

In this movie, Sean Penn tells his lawyer, Michelle Pfeiffer, that she didn't know anything about how it is to suffer and struggle with a mental disability.  She replies back to him about the struggles and suffering that she endures that he or others do not see.  She had come to believe that she can never be enough.  He then hugs her and tells her she is more than enough (will bring tears to your eyes.)  While on the stand in court, he must prove that he is capable of raising his daughter.  What he told the court was so very touching and genuine.  He proclaimed that to be a good parent it takes patience, being a good listener even when you're tired of listening, and most of all love.  That no parent has all the answers or is perfect.  He had all of the right  ingredients to make a good father.  All the things he learned about his daughter, he learned from trial and error.  And despite his mental disability, he was able to keep a job that allowed him to make ends meet. 

The most valuable things we learn is through experience.  You can read all the books you want, get the highest college degree you possibly can, but nothing compares to the experience you gain from good old trial and error. 

If you've never watched this movie, I highly recommend it.  It will equally make you laugh and cry.  I truly enjoy watching these type movies, the kind that really make you think about life.  I've added this one to my favorites list, along with Slingblade. 

 

Songs of Life

For me, every song from my past has a special meaning.  Up until recently, I was dealing with a lot of grief feelings.  The kind of grief I'm talking about is not the kind when someone dies, it's the kind of grief you go through when you come from a troubled past.  You get to a certain age and you reflect back on all the painful and traumatic times you endured, and how you almost feel a sense of loss of so much time spent in emotional turmoil and pain.  You wonder how life might have been had you spent it being more relaxed and at ease. 

For every song I hear from the past, it brings up memories of what I was going through when that particular song came out.  Most of the time it's painful memories, but there are a few songs with good memories.  Even if they were good memories, there was still a feeling of loss, which made it difficult to listen to anything.  I had to listen to music that had no relation with my past. 

This was something that didn't happen until I hit 40.  And it wasn't until just recently that I decided to face what it was that was causing me to have bad feelings whenever I heard songs from the past. 

It's a little bit of mixture of accepting getting older and deciding to let go of the past.  My personal therapy I came up with was to start downloading a ton of songs from the past from iTunes onto my iPod.  I started forcing myself to listen to them, one by one.  Everytime a painful feeling came about, I chose to face it and figure out exactly what was causing me to want to run from it.  I did this with every song.  Slowly, I began being able to listen to the songs without difficulty.  I then changed the picture in my mind that it brought about, same memory but different meaning. 

There are still a certain songs that I haven't quite been able to listen to just yet, most of them are in relation to the period of time in which I suffered from anorexia, but I feel confident that I will get to that point in due time.  Sometimes forcing yourself is not always the best thing to do. Better to just go with the flow.

Music is one of those things that keeps you feeling energetic and alive.  Since most of the music I truly like comes from the past, the good old classic rock and pop, I intend on completely overcoming this grief. 

It Just Takes Time

I sometimes sit back and reflect on the way time seems to heal everything, from broken hearts to broken bones.  It's not always easy to remind ourself when in the midst of trouble that time will take care of everything, but if you can get yourself in the habit of doing that, then you will get through the tough times a whole lot easier that way.

If you so happen to be struggling to get through a bad breakup from a relationship, just remember that time will take away the wounds.  It may feel like the end of the world at the moment, but instead of feeling in despair, remind yourself that there is something you can learn from it all.  Remind yourself of all the times in your past when time took care of everything for you, and reflect back on the valuable lessons you learned from the experience.  It takes time to gain more knowledge and experience from the tough things we go through.  I've noticed that when I remind myself of these things, that it seems to lessen the pain and bring me more comfort.  I also remind myself that everyone that enters my life along the way, is supposed to be there.  Even if I don't understand why they were meant to be there, I know that in time I will come to understand.

Often, we become too impatient and want to speed everything up.  We want things to be the way we want them to be, right now.  If instead, we were to let go and relax and let time fix whatever needs to be fixed, let time unfold what needs to come next in our life, then we could eliminate a lot of unnecessary pain.  I admit that I have always had a problem with being impatient with things in my life, but as the years have gone by, I've started reflecting back on all the pain I have gone through simply because I was so impatient.  I've finally started realizing that if I can learn to be more patient, then I will decrease the amount of pain and suffering in my life.  The pain and suffering that comes from things that I cannot control is enough to deal with, no need in adding to that pain from something I can control, which is my own self. 

 

How Well do you Accept the Aging Process?

I'm not afraid to admit that I'm one of those people who have been struggling to accept the fact that I'm getting older.  I know exactly the time I began this struggle, it was when I turned 41 years old.  Up until then, I hardly gave it a thought, it didn't seem to be anything I was too concerned about. 

What set it off, I think, is a few months into the age of 41, I couldn't figure out why I was having to hold things back further and further just to read them.  I had always had perfect vision so it didn't make sense to me, "what is wrong with my eyes?" I asked myself.  I knew I needed to go get my eyes checked for the first since I was a kid.  They prescribed me reading glasses, and at that point is when is when I first began facing the fact that I'm not 20 something anymore.  The next thing that happened is what really hit me hard, finding out that I had osteoarthritis in both hips.  It was very difficult to hear, my whole life I had been a very athletic, healthy and active person.  I asked the doctor how I could have that if I'm only 41, I thought that was only something elderly people develop.  He told me it didn't matter what age you are, even young people can develop it early on.  Even so, it forced me into facing the fact that I am growing older.  I guess I had some kind of notion that I would never have to face getting older.

As time has marched on, with each new little age spot, sun damage spots, and every wrinkle, I have found it increasingly difficult to accept the reality that with each year, I'm getting older, to accept that my looks will eventually fade.  That there is only so much you can do to ward off the signs of aging that shows up on the outside of the body.  If you're someone who has based most of your value on your outward appearance, it will be more difficult to accept getting older.  A lot of women go through this same difficulty as soon as they hit mid-life.  Of course, there is a good percentage of women who glide right through these changes with a lot more ease, and I think those are the ones who have learned early on that looks aren't everything in life, and to love and appreciate themselves from the inside out.  Not all of us learned that.  And because not all of us learned that, is the very reason why so many of us women take to botox, facelifts, lip injections, etc.  We are desperately trying to hang onto our more youthful days, instead of relaxing and finding the beauty in aging.  When we try too hard to hang onto what we once were, it shows, and it looks tense, uptight and unnatural.  When we relax and come to acceptance, it also shows, and it looks more confident and attractive, no matter what your age. 

I've really been working on changing the way I view getting older.  I know that I must work more on my inside than my outside at this point.  I want to learn how to value myself for who I am on the inside.  That doesn't have to mean giving up taking pride in what I look like, or give up working out, just that those are things that I don't want to be my main focus anymore. 

Slowly, but surely, I'm realizing that the time has come to step out of the competition ring.  I can let go of the need to look just right, and focus more on the spiritual side of life. 

This is one of those issues I will continue to work on and hopefully make some great improvements on in this new year.  I know that age is really just a number, and that it's how you look at things that really matter the most, it's just going to take me a little time to really embrace that.

 

 

It's Another New Year

I've been playing around with my new toys from Christmas, but now I'm ready to resume my posts.  Among the gifts I received was an apple macbook air and apple ipod touch, 2 amazing little gadgets that can really occupy a lot of your time!

Just as I'm ready to resume my writing, I'm also ready to resume my regular workout schedule consisting of lots of racquetball and walking.  Fortunately, this year during the holidays I stuck pretty close to my regular diet and exercise schedule than I usually do.  I skipped only 4 days of workout and allowed myself to eat more of the stuff I usually steer clear of the rest of the year, with the exception of sweets. 

What will the New Year bring, I wonder.  Everyone usually makes a New Years Resolution, but how many people actually stick with it past 6 months into the new year?  You see all these people with such unbelievable motivation to make changes in their lives, some follow through and some give up too soon.  What is it that makes us give up so soon?  What is it that keeps some people going strong with their resolution?

Many times have I made a New Years Resolution only to find myself several months later reverting back to my old and usual habits and schedules.  The motivation I had at the beginning of the new year begins to slowly fade within a few months.  The changes I have made and stuck with are basically the ones that I've made at other times during the year other than January 1st.  Maybe it has to do with feeling pressured or feeling like you've been given an ultimatum. 

The problem with making the decision to make a new years resolution, is that unless you are completely ready to make that change, then you are likely setting yourself up for disappointment later.  If you so happen to be completely ready to make those changes you want to make by January 1st, that's wonderful, but if you're only doing it because you know you "need" to, or someone close to you is trying to influence you to make those changes, then there is a great chance that you will suffer unnecessary frustration and guilt. 

How do you follow through with your resolution?  Just like you've done any other time you've made a change successfully.  Don't wait until the 1st of the year to decide to make changes, spread it out during the whole year.  Determine whether you are completely ready for a change, then make the choice to follow through regardless of how much your ego tries to persuade you out of it.  This is what usually happens with everyone.  If you're aware that, somewhere down the road after making your decision to change, your ego will try to trip you up and get you off track, then you can be better prepared to be on guard with it and zoom right past it.  It's when you try fighting with it is when you get into trouble, and mostly end up losing the battle.  It's a lot like being able to keep your cool when confronted with an irate person, fighting with them never works, but if you've prepared yourself to stay calm, you will win.

My New Years Resolution?  To continue giving my all in making changes throughout the year, not just on January 1st.  To be more open to new ideas, learning new things, and more challenges.  To continue working on letting go of the worries, anxieties and fears so that I can allow my true self to shine more brightly.  To work on focusing more on what I'm grateful for in my life, instead of what's wrong in my life. 

Hoping everyone has a wonderful New Year!

Try Something New

Too many people close their minds off to new ideas and experiences claiming that "this is just how I've always done things" or "that's not my thing, I've never liked that."  I recently made an observation of a group of people that didn't seem too open to new ideas.  This was a group that was formed in hopes of making new local friends and planning frequent fun outings.  There were some suggestions made to what activity they could plan next.  Someone in the group had mentioned several different ideas for activities to try, but nobody was game on any of them.  Seems the only things they agreed upon were the usual humdrum ideas that they stuck to religiously. 

I've noticed in my own life that whenever I turn down suggestions or ideas that are given to me, I begin feeling a certain sense of resistance within me.  I notice that there is a certain part of me that has a natural curiosity, but the resistant part of me usually wins out.  That resistant part is the one that holds on to some type of fear of change.  It's the  part that says "this is not what you like, you've never liked that, this is not  you, it's too risky, stick to what you know." 

Don't let your resistant part control the natural curiosity part of you, so many joys of life can be passed up that way.  Don't be afraid to try something you have always said you didn't like.  Be adventerous and a little more spontaneous and your life will always stay fresh, lively and full of excitement. 

The next time someone asks you to go do something that you have always said is "it's just not my thing", try it anyway.  You never know what you may discover about yourself that you never realized before.  If nothing else, go along just for the ride. 

Here is an example of some things that I've closed my mind off to in the past, and then later chose to open my mind to afterall:

*  Being asked to go to a pottery studio where you make your own crafts.  The first time I was asked I declined because I said I have never been artistic and have never been good with making any kind of crafts.  The second time I was asked, many years later, I decided that I was going to start opening my mind to new things and I went ahead and decided to go.  The project I chose to make looked more on the lines of what a 5 year old would probably create, but because I had chosen to open my mind, I let go of what I had always said about not being artistic and truly enjoyed the experience.  It didn't matter what the outcome was of the project I made, what mattered was that I opened my mind to a new experience.  I chose to try a new flavor of life that I had always steered clear of in my past.

*  Invitation to try sushi.  I had heard other people who had claimed they loved sushi and for the longest time, my only thought about it was "yuck, I have no desire to try uncooked fish!"  The time came when I was once again asked to go out for sushi with someone who had previously thought the same thing I did about it and ended up being a big fan of it.  So this time, I said "ah heck, why not!"  Ever since then, I too have become a huge fan of sushi just as my friend did.  Now I say "I can't believe I went this long without trying this wonderful food."

*  Learning to play the drums.  I have always loved any kind of music that emphasizes the drums, but have never even give one thought to actually learning to play them, why?  Because I've always said that I am not even the slightest bit musically inclined.  I closed my mind off to the idea of even giving it a try, all because my mind had convinced me that I'm not musically inclined.  Even though I had always had a deep desire to try the drums, I chose to listen to the resistant part of me.  It wasn't until just a few years ago that I chose to let go of that part of me that said I'm not musically inclined.  I was a volunteer for Big Brothers/Big Sisters.  My little sister in this program was a 11 year old girl that happened to absolutely love singing.  She sang at home all the time, but come from a very low-income and broken home and never had the opportunity to take singing lessons.  I decided to get this girl signed up to singing lessons at the local music store so that she might have a chance in the music business.  This little girl was very talented in singing, and the music teacher recognized it immediately.  She was so elated about getting this chance, you could see the thrill written all over her face.  So, while I was there I noticed someone in the drum room learning the drums.  The thought popped up out of the blue of why don't I try that, just for the heck of it.  Since I was already there waiting on this little girl, I could easily sign up and take lessons for the drum while she's in her singing lessons.  I did it, I signed up and can't even begin to tell you how thrilling it was to sit down to those drums and actually start learning how to play.  As soon as I started playing, the smile on my face was so big and so automatic.  I probably looked a lot like my little sister did with the thrill written all over my face.  I had let go of all the set beliefs I had put in my mind about playing any kind of musical instrument, and decided to do it anyway.  Whether I became a fantastic drummer in some rock group or not did not matter to me, I was truly enjoying the experience to the max.  Did I exceed in it, and do something big with it?  That would be a big no!  But I'm glad I tried instead of being closed to it.

Those are just a few examples of things I've been resistant to in my past, and later chose to open my mind to.  I still find myself closing my mind off to new things, but I am definitely more aware of myself when I'm doing that.  It's a constant issue that I continually work on.  Keep your mind open and your life will be just that more interesting and lively.

Freedom is Just Another Word for Nothing Left to Lose

I was reading a book about changing the way you see things and read the heading "Freedom is Just Another Word for Nothing Left to Lose."  That line immediately sounded so familiar and it wasn't but a second before I realized why.  It automatically brought to mind Janis Joplin's hit from 1970, "Me & Bobby McGee."  However, it did not mention anything about Janis Joplin's hit song.  It was talking about how to gain more personal freedom.

Just as if you are able to be independent of the good opinions of others, so can you also be independent of the hardships that can happen in your environment.  You gain stability when you act independently of what goes on around you, and also of what others may think, say, or do.  When you are faced with devastation, loss, and failure how do you handle it?  The most common reaction is to panic and begin thinking hopeless thoughts.  But when you have a sense of autonomy, you increase your self esteem and become more resilient to life's hardships.

Whenever something unexpected happens in your life that immediately puts a big damper on your goals or plans, your initial reaction may be to just throw your hands up and say forget it, but you know deep inside that everyone experiences obstacles and setbacks in life.  The people that throw their hands up and decide to blow it off are the ones that you hear complaining about the unfairness in life, they are the ones that constantly complain about how much a struggle life is and can't understand why it always happens to them, they are also the ones that never reach their goals and are forever fighting against reality.  On the other end of it, the people that succeed and are the happiest, are the ones who may initially throw their hands up out of temporary frustration, but they let go of it quickly and begin thinking on possibilities.  They immediately start thinking of new ideas and ways of doing things.  They are able to let go of the old way that is no longer available and quickly switch to something new.

Letting go of what was, allows you to move forward more easily and with less pain.  The quicker you are able to switch your hopeless and dark thoughts to ones of possibilities, the less pain you will endure.  It's really all up to you how long you decide to suffer.  You can either accept what has happened, or you can choose to hang onto the negative thoughts and continue to wallow around in the mud with it. 

How do you get into the habit of looking for the possibilities that are hidden in negative events?  Here are a few ideas:

Ask Yourself Questions:  When something happens that puts a stop to your plans, ask yourself questions such as; "What could this be trying to teach me?", "What could I do different the next time?", "What can I take from this experience to help me go forward?", "How could I make this into a positive?".  By asking yourself questions like these, you are motivating your mind into taking action and moving forward instead of getting stuck in the muck. 

Act As If:  Your emotional side may feel as though looking at the positives at a time like this is the last thing you want to do, but if you listen to your emotional side, what do you think is going to happen?  It's certainly not going to get you going in a positive direction.  Why sit in the pity for longer than is needed?  This is when you have to go ahead and Act As If things are happening that you want to happen from this point on.  Even if you don't feel like getting up and doing something constructive, do it anyway.  It's only human and natural to have bad feelings when something negative happens, but to hang on to them for too long is not healthy.  Go ahead and Act As If you're already going in the new direction you want to go, now, and things will begin taking shape quickly.  You can't make positive things happen by thinking negatively.

Take Action:  Do it NOW, not later.  It is very easy to put things off until you feel better, but the problem with that is that it encourages you to replace one negative thought with another until so much time has passed by that you have become depressed, and the cycle then continues, putting it off until you feel better.  How does it ever stop?  By taking action, regardless of what your emotions are telling you.  If you sat and listened to your emotions, things would never get done.  Your emotions will tell you that you're too tired or depressed to get up and take any action, but the truth is, action is the perfect cure for your troubled emotions.  You have to take charge over your emotional side, it's just like a little kid, they really don't know what is best for them so that's why you, as the adult, have to step in and take charge over them, by taking action.  Think of the mess it would be if you allowed the little kid to do what they thought was best for them.  The same goes for your emotional side, think of the mess that is created when you listen only to your emotions.

What do you have to lose?  Decide to be free and independent of the good opinions of others and the environment around you, or decide not to be, it's your choice, just depends on how you want to live your life. 

The Christmas of the White Go-Go Boots

It was Christmas time and the year was 1969, Cecilia had just turned 5 years old three months ago.  There had been lots of snow to really make it a white Christmas.  It was perfect.  Cecilia’s favorite time of year was Christmas.  She loved going sledding in the snow, drinking hot chocolate, school snow days, and the night before Christmas with all the excitement knowing that Santa would be visiting her house that night. 

Cecilia was a very shy little girl, but even though she was so very shy, she absolutely thrived on attention.  She loved being the center of attention, though she rarely talked, and when she did it was extremely soft, you could hardly make out what she said.  She loved action and adventure.  All of her sister’s friends thought she was like a little doll.  Often, people would forget that she was even there because they would rarely even hear a peep out of her.  She was always in the middle of the action, but yet quiet as a mouse.

For this one Christmas, she asked for a pair of white go-go boots.  Christmas morning came and she could hardly wait to get downstairs to the tree where Santa was to leave all her presents.  There they were, sitting there underneath the tree, a pair of white go-go boots.  She was so excited she could hardly wait to put them on.  She finally contained herself long enough to put the boots on.  She put on her favorite little record’s her sister had gotten her,“I’m so dizzy” and “Sweet pea” and began to dance with the boots on.  She had practically ignored the rest of her presents for a few days.

The following day, her mother’s large family came to visit for the holiday.  There must have been at least 15 of them there that night.   It was already around 6:30 p.m. and everyone had just eaten a big dinner her mom had cooked.  Her mom directed everyone down to the recreation room downstairs.  The entire downstairs had been made into the perfect area for any family that had teenagers growing up in the 60’s and 70’s.  All the psychedelic lights, painted neon colored Styrofoam blocks, and plenty of dancing space.  Her older sisters, who were at least 10 and 11 years older than her, had many friends and boyfriends who visited them often, enjoying the “hippie” room. 

The music came on, the black lights and strobe lights were turned on, and little Cecilia felt the urge to get up there and dance with her new white go-go boots on.  Everyone was sitting in somewhat of a circle formation just talking and laughing, having a good time.  As soon as they noticed Cecilia, they all began going on about how cute she looked up there dancing in her little boots.  They were all so surprised that she was up there dancing in front of everyone,  since they all had been around her enough to know that she rarely spoke and was extremely shy.  For this reason, they really cheered her on.  The more they showed how much they liked what she was doing, the more into it she got.  She was very serious about her dancing and was very in tune with the music, and she was also soaking up being the sole center of attention. 

Cecilia had her moments like these where she would actually forget she was shy and allowed herself to be who she wanted to be.  She yearned to be outgoing, never fearing being herself in front of others, but somehow she just kept going back into her little shell.  She was like a turtle, ever once in a while she would pop back out, being who she really was, full of spunk and spirit, and then retreat back into her shell when she became frightened of something or someone.  Certain things gave her a temporary sense of confidence, such as the boots she got for Christmas.  Such things made her feel secure inside and were almost like her shield.  She felt almost as though they gave her permission to be herself. 

The little white go-go boots eventually became a thing of the past, and then it was onto something new and exciting.  What would be her next present that would give her that same confident feeling as the boots, a baton, or maybe a bicycle.  Today, Cecilia still searches for things that give her that confident feeling, things that she feels gives her permission to be herself.  She has never learned how to get that confidence from within instead of looking to things outside of herself.  She often thinks back to that Christmas when she got the boots and how excited, and confident, she felt.  She can still recall the same exact feelings she had at that moment she saw the boots under the tree.  It makes her think about how she didn’t really need the boots to be herself, and she doesn’t really need anything outside of herself now to be who she really is.  All she needs is to love and accept herself as she is.

Take 5

Sitting down in your favorite chair, or maybe even lying down on the sofa, you begin by taking 3 nice, deep breaths in and out, counting to 7 on each inhale and each exhale.  You already feel a sense of letting go just by doing these few steps, but you really would like to relax down completely, letting go of all your worries and stress from the day.

You begin by squeezing your toes as tightly as possible, and holding it for a count of 1.2.3, and then slowly releasing, feeling the tension slowly fading away.  Next, you squeeze your calves in the same manner for a hold of 1.2.3, then again, slowly releasing.  Just letting all your worries and cares slowly dissipate.  Moving on to your upper thighs, tensing for the count of 1.2.3, and releasing.  When you release each muscle group, you can repeat the word “relax.”  And now you move on to your stomach muscles, tensing and then releasing, repeating the word “relax” each time. 

You’re now becoming more and more relaxed and at ease, letting go of all the tensions from the day, and all the worries about tomorrow.  Nothing matters at this moment except that you relax and let go.  This is your moment to yourself to unwind, relax and just let go, let go of all the thoughts running through your mind.

Moving on you begin tensing and releasing your chest muscles, remembering to breathe slowly.  Next, tensing and releasing your hands and fingers, just feeling the tension melting away with each breath you take, and now your arms, tensing and releasing, relaxing more and more with each release, and finally your facial muscles, making a frown for a count of 1.2.3 and releasing.

Taking 3 more deep breaths in as you count up to 7, and then slowly exhaling to a count of 10 and repeating the word “relax.”  You notice now that your body is feeling so much more loose and limp, just like a ragdoll, completely and thoroughly relaxed and at ease.  No worries, stress or tension remaining.  And if there is any remaining, repeat the process until you begin to feel more light and relaxed.

The Coffee Shop

 

She sits alone in her favorite coffee shop, drinking her large raspberry flavored latte.  It’s a very quaint and relaxing place to sit and read, or maybe even do some typing on a laptop.  The lighting is dim, but yet there are individual lamps beside each chair with just the right amount of light for reading.  The wonderful smell of freshly brewed coffee gives her a very warm and calm feeling throughout.  This helps to counteract the high levels of anxiety she is experiencing while sitting here alone.  This is something outside of her comfort zone, sitting alone in a public place, paranoid thoughts of what others might be thinking of her.  She has decided that she wants to conquer her long standing problem of social anxiety that she has suffered her entire life, and sitting in this coffee shop, alone, is just another one of the small steps she has taken in her conquest. 

She has her new laptop ready to use, but at this point she uses it more as a shield than to actually do any work in it, for she is far too distracted by her thoughts of what others are thinking of her to concentrate on anything else at the moment.  She stares at the screen,  much the same way she did in school when she pretended as though she was studying a book, when all she really was doing was covering up her fears about being in a group, and obsesses over what others may be thinking about her.  Up until a certain age she didn’t have the slightest clue that what she was really experiencing was social anxiety, probably because she had never before even heard of it. 

As she sits there sipping her latte she begins feeling more relaxed and at ease with each sip, so she decides to stop pretending and go ahead and do some typing in her laptop.  She begins writing about how she is feeling at the moment and her observations of others.  She has always been very in tune with facial expressions and often reads too much into them.  She notices a couple of ladies sitting across the way from her, chatting away, one of them looks over her way and then says something to the other woman she is with, they both begin laughing.  She automatically assumes they must be laughing about her.  She begins analyzing what it could be, is it something she is wearing that looks mismatched, is it how she is drinking her latte, is her nervousness showing, or maybe it’s that she is sitting there alone.  As these thoughts keep pressing at her, she grows more insecure and more anxious by the minute.  From her now distorted viewpoint, everyone she see’s is thinking something negatively about her and all she really wants to do at this point, is simply get the heck out of there.  The little bit of relaxation she was beginning to feel is completely gone, with little hope of getting it back.  She stops her writing abruptly and begins packing up her computer.  She feels as though all eyes are directly on her, evaluating every move she makes, and of course this adds to her already extremely high anxiety. 

As she begins walking toward the door to leave, making sure that no eye contact is made with anyone she passes by, she hears someone say “hey, excuse me”, she’s hoping that it’s not someone talking to her because that would mean having to stop and respond in front of all these other people sitting around, but she realizes it is.  She turns to look at them and they continue to ask her “is that the new ultra thin laptop you have?”  She answers “yes, it is.”  They continue on to say how they have been thinking of getting one too and asking her questions about it, all the while she is looking around at others in the coffee shop and they don’t seem to be paying as much attention to her as she felt they were earlier.  She suddenly begins feeling more at ease once again, and all it took was just one person asking her a question.  She starts to recognize how much her anxiety controls how she feels, and how as soon as she took her focus off of her fearful and paranoid thoughts in order to answer a question that the anxiety faded away.  She realizes that the facial expressions she focused so intently on with others had more to do with them than with her.

 The next day, she decided that she wanted to begin pushing herself even more into doing the things she feared the most, which is being in groups or crowds of people, until her anxiety level began reaching new lows more consistently.  She was extremely excited about making these changes in herself, about challenging herself to new heights.  Now, to someone who has never suffered with this type of issue it might sound very odd to have these type of thoughts, that’s to be understood, but to someone who suffers with this same issue, the thoughts are so familiar that just reading this can create increased levels of anxiety.  At the same time though, it should create a feeling of hope and encouragement, just knowing that this issue can be overcome and that the anxiety is nothing more than reactions to your own thoughts, and your thoughts can be changed at any time you wish.

So now, with her increased confidence, she has begun to challenge herself on a more consistent basis by going more places like the coffee shop, alone.  With each new challenge she pushes herself into she finds increased strength and freedom from social anxiety.

What to Do If You Find Yourself in a Dark Place

 

This is the time of year when some people experience something known as SAD (seasonal affective disorder.)  Ambient light, body temperature, and hormone regulation are thought to be some of the relating factors.  It usually affects women more than men.  If you think you might be one of those that are affected by this, there are several things you can do to help yourself:

1.  Light Therapy -  A lot of people in the Pacific Northwest invest in light boxes for light therapy.  Using one of these special lights can really improve your mood and successfully treat your SAD symptoms.  Check out LiteBook for more info on how lighting can improve numerous mood problems.

2.  Medication - There are several different anti-depressants that work really well on increasing your seratonin levels.  Although I've never been too much of a fan of anti-depressants, I have taken a few in the past for clinical depression and they do help stabilize your mood.

3.  Alternative Therapy -  EFT and Hypnosis are an alternative to the other types of therapy and usually work a lot faster than traditional talk therapy.  For more info about EFT and Hypnosis, check out my website Rx Relax.

 

Sometimes SAD is not the problem, just a simple case of the blues or blah's.  You can tell the difference whether it's just temporary depression, SAD, or clinical depression.  With temporary depression, as soon as you force yourself to get up and go do something, anything, you notice you begin feel better instantly and the depressive mood goes away.  With SAD, the symptoms start at the beginning of the winter season and then lift as soon as the first signs of spring arrive.  When it's clinical depression, no matter what you do it doesn't go away, you feel lethargic, hopeless and exhausted. 

If you think you have clinical depression the best thing to do is to seek professional help.  Medication is usually always needed in this case.  It's not something you want to allow to go on for too long of a time.  Normally, 2 weeks of continuous symptoms is enough time to tell whether you're clinically depressed or not.  Some of the symptoms can include an increased appetite with weight gain, no appetite with weight loss, feelings of hopelessness, no energy, lethargic, thoughts of suicide, unable to concentrate.  Those are just a few of the most common symptoms.  Clinical depression hits many people and can be very exhausting for both the person depressed and those around them.  I've been there before in my past and I know exactly how it feels.  Always seek out help when you notice these type symptoms that seem to last more than a couple of weeks.

If you only have a simple case of the blues, there is only one way to cure it and that's to simply get up and get out there.  I've experienced this many times myself.  You may feel like you really don't want to do anything or be around anyone, but it's only a feeling and sometimes you have to go against those feelings.  There have been a few days where I have felt those blue feelings and all I wanted to do was to just sit here and do nothing, allowing the blues to only get bluer.  From experience, I know that is the worst thing for me to do is to just sit, so I force myself to get up and get going.  When I think of things I could do, I usually can come up with a million reasons why I can't do them.  That's when I completely ignore those feelings and go do those things anyway.  It's not always the easiest thing to do when you feel this way, but if you remind yourself that it's only temporary and that as soon as you make yourself do something the mood will automatically be lifted. 

There have been days where I felt that I was just too depressed to get out there around anyone, that I didn't really feel like it.  But the thing I've noticed is that all it takes is just talking to one person when you're out there to lift you out of that mood instantly. 

For me, the most difficult part about this type of mood is if I have any clients scheduled for that day.  I know that I cannot possibly be my best when helping others if I'm in a depressive mood.  I don't normally experience this type of mood as often as I did in my past, but there are some days I do.  On the days that I do, I immediately take control and start changing my thoughts and get myself up and out there.  Usually does the trick for me. 

During these down times, pay attention to your thoughts, they are what you are reacting off of.  Consciously make an effort to change those dark thoughts into lighter ones.  This is where EFT can really make a difference in helping you to become more aware of your thought process. 

Some of the things I do if I find myself in a dark mood:

1.  Find a funny movie to watch, or sitcom

2.  Get up and go for a long, brisk walk or hike

3.  Talk to a friend or close relative

4.  Take some time with my dog (having a pet is very therapeutic)

5.  Go to the bookstore and relax in one of the chairs reading something interesting

6.  Go to the coffee shop

Main thing is to make yourself do something whether you say you want to or not.  It usually works every time, unless of course you do have clinical depression or SAD. 

Hurried Holidays

The winter holiday season is already here with Thanksgiving already past.  Since right before Thanksgiving day I've noticed Christmas decorations up everywhere I go, even a Christmas lighting that you drive through to look at.  I started to think, wait a minute, it's not even Thanksgiving day yet and there are Christmas decorations up everywhere.  Seems as though everything keeps being so rushed now days. 

Sometime around January I begin to see ads for spring and summer clothing.  People begin to plan on future holidays when this one just ended. 

I think a lot of this has to do with how fast paced things have become in the world today.  All the new technology out that seems to do just about everything for you.  We've gotten used to not having to wait too long on things.  We've become more impatient, anxiety filled and stressed out people. 

If you go to the stores for holiday shopping, you'll overhear conversations about being stressed about what to get everyone for Christmas, as if that's the most important part of Christmas. 

If we chose to just slow it down a bit and become a little more simplified, things might be a little less stressful.  Slow down on hurrying the holiday to get here by putting out decorations when another holiday hasn't even ended.  I found that when I saw the Christmas decorations up already before Thanksgiving day, I felt a sense of anxiety about it, a sense of needing to hurry up.  It almost gave me a feeling of not being able savor Thanksgiving and instead focusing in on Christmas.  I also felt compelled to start putting up Christmas decorations before Thanksgiving day my self. 

It's easy to fall into the trap of hurrying things up.  I've found myself doing that lately.  And the feeling I get is uneasiness.  So, I have been making an effort to make some minor changes towards the end of this year.  I'm choosing to try and simplify my life a little more than I have been.  Letting go of some things that I claim I just cannot do without, with one of them being to cut out the use of facebook with the exception of my automatic posts. 

To simplify means to cut down on your stress level and create a sense of calm and tranquility, even during the holiday time.